When Somebody Loved Me
by Archergirl78
Summary: Alicia Johnson remembers the love of her life.


_Present Day_

"Daddy, you don't understand!" Trixie Belden tossed her blonde curls as she stomped out of her father's den.

Peter Belden removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily as he watched his daughter go. His wife, sitting in the chair across from his desk, looked at him with sympathy and some amusement.

"She's going to do what she thinks is right, you know," she reminded him.

"I know," he groaned. "I just wish she wasn't so stubborn. She's only twenty, Helen! She still has an entire year of college left and Jim's only twenty-three. Why are they rushing into marriage? Can't they wait another year?"

"She's loved him since she was thirteen, Peter," Helen shrugged gracefully. "And I was younger than she is when you and I married. They have the determination and resources to make it work. Rather than fighting her on this and pushing her away, we should support her."

"I can't," he groaned.

"I'll try to talk to her," Helen promised, rising. "In the meantime, why don't you get some fresh air?"

"It won't help," he grumbled.

Helen followed the sound of her daughter's voice down to the kitchen, where she was surprised to find Trixie in conversation with her own sister, Alicia.

"Alicia!" she exclaimed, hurrying over to envelop the older woman in a hug. "I didn't realize you'd arrived!"

"Trixie let me in," Alicia replied, returning the embrace.

"She knocked as I was coming down the stairs," Trixie informed her mother.

"Now then," Alicia returned to her seat at the kitchen table and waited for Helen to join them. "What's this I hear about an engagement?"

"Jim proposed, as you obviously already know," Trixie began. "I said yes, but Dad is flipping out! I understand that Jim should have talked to him first, but it wasn't planned. I mean, it was planned, we've been talking about marriage, but the proposal itself wasn't planned, if you know what I mean."

"I think I follow," Alicia smiled.

"Peter is less than thrilled," Helen allowed. "I understand his reasons for feeling that way, though."

"I know you think we're too young, too, Aunt Alicia," Trixie began.

"No, actually, I don't," Alicia corrected.

"You don't?" Trixie's mouth hung open.

"No, I don't," Alicia repeated. "I think that life is short and if you find someone to spend it with, you should grab the chance and run with it."

"Um, thank you, Aunt Alicia," Trixie stammered. "I didn't think you believed in marriage."

"Why would you think that?" Alicia asked with surprise.

"Well, you never seemed to want to marry," Trixie explained hesitantly.

"There's a story I've never told you, Trixie," Alicia shared a look with her sister, as Helen's face filled with sadness. "There was once a time that I very much wanted to marry, and once a man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with."

_30 years ago…_

"Alicia! Alicia Johnson!"

Alicia spun around on the sidewalk, seeing a young man running towards her.

"Robert?!" she gasped as he came closer.

"Hey!" he caught her up in a hug, lifting her off her feet. "I knew that was you."

"When did you get back into town?" she exclaimed as he put her down. "Did you move back? Are you staying?"

"Yesterday, yes, and yes," he laughed down at her from his lofty 6'1", a full foot taller than her. "After I got my degree, I got a job offer from Mills Electricians and came back. I hoped I'd see you. I wasn't certain if you'd still be here."

"I came back after graduation, too," she answered. "I start teaching at the elementary school this fall. Second grade."

"You always wanted to teach," he nodded proudly. "That's great."

"It is," she smiled, happy that he remembered her dream. She had known Robert Hall for what seemed like her entire life. He was her first friend in school, her first dancing partner in gym class, and even her first kiss the summer of her fifteenth year. She blushed slightly, thinking that he might have been her first for more things had his family not moved away that same fall.

"So," he shifted nervously. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out to dinner sometime."

"I'd love that," she smiled up at him.

"Are you staying with your parents?" he asked. "Because if you are, I still have your number."

"I am," she chuckled. "I can't believe you still have my number, though."

"I'd never forget your number," he blushed. "I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"That would be nice," she replied as she noticed the hands on the clock in the town's square. "Oh, I'm sorry, Robert, but I need to finish up some errands for my mother before the shops close."

"Oh, of course," he nodded again. "It was really good to see you, Alicia."

"You, too, Robert."

He did call her, and they went out to dinner the next night. Dinner went so well that it was followed by a movie the following night, bowling the night after, dinner and dancing the following Friday, and a carnival on Saturday. In fact, before the month was out, Alicia and Robert were spending nearly all their time together. No one was surprised, least of all Alicia's parents and her sister, Helen, who had witnessed her heartbreak seven years previous. They rejoiced in seeing Alicia happy and clearly in love.

Strangely though, as Alicia seemed to bloom during that summer, Robert seemed to wilt a bit. He grew tired easily, and by the Fourth of July weekend celebrations, he was visibly ill with a hacking cough.

"I wish you'd see a doctor," Alicia chiding him gently as they lay on a blanket, watching the sunset and waiting for the fireworks to begin.

"It's just a cough," Robert kissed her forehead. "It'll pass."

"You've already been coughing for a couple weeks, though," Alicia fretted. "Promise me you'll see a doctor if it hasn't passed by Monday?"

"I promise," he told her as the first of the fireworks lit up the sky.

On Monday, Robert kept his promise, calling his doctor and making an appointment for the next day. Alicia was relieved, and happily began preparing to set up her first classroom in a few weeks. She spent several days purchasing supplies and planning curriculum, not realizing until Wednesday that she had not heard from Robert after his appointment on Tuesday. She looked at her clock, realizing it was dinner time and, if she hurried, she could surprise him as he returned home. She hurried down the stairs, barely pausing to tell her mother her plan along the way. She stopped first at the local delicatessen, picking up fried chicken, potato salad, and fresh corn on the cob, before driving to Robert's apartment. She timed it perfectly, pulling up just as he was locking the tool box attached to his truck.

"Hey, beautiful," he smiled as she joined him. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

"Are you talking to me or dinner?" she grinned impishly.

"Definitely you," he kissed her gently before taking the bag from her hands. "But I certainly won't complain about dinner."

"I didn't think you would," she laughed as he let her into his apartment, turning on the lights and kicking off her shoes as he placed the food on the table.

"So," she began as she joined him. "You didn't call me last night after your appointment. What did the doctor say?"

"He said to take it easy, drink lots of fluids, and call him back if the cough hasn't passed in another week," Robert answered. "He ran a few tests as a precaution, but it seems like it's just a bug. It'll pass."

"Are you certain?" Alicia asked hesitantly. "What kind of tests did he run?"

"The usual," he shrugged carelessly. "He drew some blood, too. Nothing to worry about."

"If you're sure," Alicia could see he wanted to change the subject and obliged.

Alicia spent the rest of the week continuing her classroom preparations, setting her worries about Robert aside. She spoke with him daily, and, while he still didn't sound like he was completely recovered, his cough had subsided. She was thankful that he seemed to be on the road to recovery, and when he called her Friday evening to make dinner plans for Saturday, she happily accepted.

Robert picked her up and drove them to one of the nicer restaurants in town. Alicia couldn't help but notice as they drove that he still looked pale and, while his cough appeared to be gone, he still didn't look well.

"How are you feeling?" she asked gently after they were seated and the waiter took their drink orders.

"Better," he assured her. "But the doctor called me back and wants to run additional tests."

"Additional tests?" Alicia repeated, brow furrowed. "What kind of tests?"

"I'm not certain," he admitted. "I have an appointment Monday morning. I'll find out more then."

"He has you coming in Monday morning?" Alicia grew more concerned. "That fast? Robert-."

"I know," he interrupted her gently. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

"That's what you said before," she replied numbly.

"Trust me, Alicia," his smile was meant to be reassuring, but she drew no comfort from it.

"Robert, I'm worried," she frowned.

"Do you want to come with me?" he asked. "Maybe if you talk to the doctor directly, it will help."

"Yes," she nodded. "I want to know what's going on."

Monday morning dawned clear and beautiful, but Alicia was blind to the lovely summer morning. She had to remind herself to breathe as they waited in the doctor's office. It seemed as though he had ordered every test possible – from blood work to radiology – and Robert had suffered patiently through them all. Once complete, they were directed to wait in the doctor's office him.

"Why did he have us wait for the results?" Alicia voiced the thought out loud as they sat side-by-side. "Don't they normally just call in a couple days once they get the results in?"

"He was putting a rush request in," Robert reminded her quietly. "We should know something soon."

Minutes later, there was a soft tap on the door and the doctor entered. Settling himself behind his desk, he looked at Robert and Alicia with sympathy.

"Well?" Robert asked calmly, holding Alicia's hand.

"I'm so sorry," the doctor's eyes were filled with genuine remorse. "We've identified several masses on your lungs. We'll need to do a biopsy to confirm, but based on your blood work and symptoms, it appears to be -."

"Cancer," Alicia whispered.

"That's the preliminary diagnosis, yes," the doctor agreed.

"What's the next step?" Robert asked stoically.

"We'll need to schedule the biopsy as soon as possible. Once we have those results, we'll make a treatment plan."

The next several weeks passed as though a blur to Alicia. She finished setting up her classroom and preparing for class to begin mid-August. Robert completed the biopsy and, to their grief and dismay, the results came back as expected, and the doctor recommended an intense chemotherapy regime to begin shrinking the tumors. Alicia didn't know what was worse – the cancer itself or the side effects from the chemotherapy. Robert seemed to grow sicker and sicker as the days went on.

"I thought this was supposed to help him!" Alicia implored the doctor at one visit.

"It is helping," he reassured her. "You're seeing the side effects, but I assure you, it is helping."

One week after her tearful breakdown, the couple returned to the doctor's office for more tests, this time to determine how effective the chemotherapy had been. Robert had been going for sessions three times a week, and they were hopeful that significant shrinking of the tumors had occurred. One look at the doctor's face as he entered, though, immediately dashed those hopes.

"No change?" Robert asked quietly.

"The tumors on your lungs have shrunk slightly," the doctor answered, sighing. "However, additional scans have shown the cancer spreading. I'm sorry, Robert. We can continue treatment, of course, but the chances of success are greatly diminished."

"What does that mean?" Alicia tried desperately to hold in her tears.

"It means I'm dying," Robert said matter-of-factly, not breaking eye contact with the doctor. "If chemo won't really help, I don't want to do it. It just makes me sick. If there's no chance of recovery, I'd rather spend my remaining time as healthy as possible."

"I'm not saying that there's no chance -," the doctor began.

"Realistically?" Robert raised his eyebrows.

The doctor sighed.

"Exactly," Robert grimaced. "No more chemo."

Once Robert made the decision to stop chemotherapy, Alicia was surprised to see him quickly return to what seemed like full health. His energy levels improved, his nausea disappeared, and he was, from all appearances, the picture of health. Unfortunately, this stage didn't last long, and Alicia found herself spending her days settling into her first teaching job and her evenings watching the man she loved rapidly deteriorate.

They had one argument early on, when Alicia realized Robert was trying to hide the worst of his symptoms from her.

"You can't protect me, Robert!" she told him. "I need to help you. You have to let me be here for you through all of it, the good and the bad."

"I know," he told her weakly. "But I want to protect you, as much as I can. I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied tearfully.

From then on, he stopped trying to hide the pain, exhaustion, and nausea from her. While it was heart wrenching watching him suffer, she was thankful that she was able to be there for him every step along the way. It wasn't long before they noticed his initial flu-like symptoms returning, though. Knowing that pneumonia was a real risk for his already-compromised immune system, they quickly returned to the doctor who performed a brief examination before admitting him into the hospital.

"Just as a precaution," he assured them, but Alicia saw the doubt in his eyes.

For a few days, it seemed that Robert was improving again. Alicia continued going to work every morning, and to the hospital every evening. Her own parents, brother, and sister often visited as well, and she alternated between joy at seeing her family interact with Robert and sadness when she realized his improvements were short lived. Robert was dying, only months after they'd found each other again. The realization brought her to hopeless tears, and in those moments she was grateful for the silent comfort of her sister while she cried on her shoulder.

The end came much more quickly than she was prepared for. One morning, Alicia arrived at the hospital and knew immediately that Robert would leave that day. She quickly called her family and his, then returned to his side, holding his hand with one of hers and wiping away her own tears with the other.

"Hi," he whispered, opening his eyes. "Why the tears?"

"I love you," she whispered in return.

"I wish…" he trailed off.

"What do you wish?" she leaned forward.

"I wish I had married you," he smiled weakly. "I thought about it, so many times. I always thought it would be you, even when we were kids."

"I always thought it would be you," she stifled a sob.

"For better or worse," he whispered.

"In sickness and in health," she continued.

"Until death parts us…"

In the end, death was kinder than expected. It waited until Robert was surrounded by his family and hers, with Alicia's hand in his. It waited until they had said their goodbyes, held him, kissed him, and let him go. It waited until he was ready to go.

The funeral services were a blur; Alicia wouldn't remember anything beyond a casket and her sister's hand in hers. The only man she had ever loved was gone, and she would have to face the rest of her life without him.

_Present Day…_

Alicia knew that the tears in her niece's eyes were a reflection of her own. She reached for a tissue before passing the box across the dining room table to Helen, who then handed it to Trixie. For a moment, there was only silence.

"So, that's why you never married?" Trixie finally asked softly.

Alicia nodded.

"I had no idea," Trixie sniffled. "I'm so sorry, Aunt Alicia."

"Don't be sorry," Alicia smiled wistfully. "It wasn't nearly long enough, but I loved and was loved in return. That's all any of us can ever hope for, and it's the greatest thing a person can do. If you've found that with Jim, don't waste the time you have together."

"I won't," Trixie promised.

"We named Bobby after him," Helen said softly to her sister. "We never talked about it, but I hoped you realized -."

"I did," Alicia assured her.

Their reflection was interrupted by a knock on the kitchen door. Moments later, Jim Frayne poked his head in.

"Hi, Mrs. Belden, Ms. Johnson," he greeted them politely. Noticing their tearstained faces, he furrowed his brow. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Jim," Helen smiled reassuringly at him. "Just a trip down memory lane."

"Okay," he agreed hesitantly. "Are you ready to go, Trix?"

"Yes," she jumped up from the table and kissed her mom before surprising everyone by moving over to her aunt and kissing her, as well. "I'll see you later, Moms. Bye, Aunt Alicia."

"What was that about?" the women heard Jim asked in confusion as the couple walked out the door.

"Love," Trixie replied. "Aunt Alicia knows more about it than I realized and Bobby was named for a great man."

Alicia smiled. Her Robert may have been gone for thirty years, but it was clear that his memory would live on.

_Author notes: This story was inspired by my mom's best friend, a woman I called Aunt Sofiea. Much like Alicia, Sofiea met up with her childhood sweetheart after years apart, only to have her happiness cut short by the evil monster that is cancer. After a brief fight, my aunt Sofiea passed away. We miss her every day, but her memory lives on through all of us who love her._


End file.
